I'm what i call a part time patient person. This isn't exactly a new revelation to those who know me, especially my wife, but I have noticed that in some situations I have the ability to just roll with the circumstances, and othertimes i get all heated and puffed up and indignant and a whole range of qualities that characterize my impatience or frustration with those circumstances. Even today, this morning, i got the crockpot out to cook Jen and I's dinner, it's a new recipe of Pasta Fagioli soup. As i was putting the different veggies and spices in there, and then when i set the crockpot on low for 8 hours, i wanted to eat it right then and there, mostly because I LOVE that style of soup and i wanted it NOW. Why is that ? Why can i be so patient in some instances, and then other times i literally want to scream because i'm so irritated or frustrated ?
Yesterday Jen got a call from a good friend of hers. I was in the other room and i could overhear some of what my wife was saying, which was centering around, at that particular junction, about why God has brought us to Lynchburg and why we made the choices that we did to come here. As i listened to her talk about how coming here has opened new doors for us potentially in terms of what we are going to do after we graduate from Liberty, i found myself getting quite impatient that i had to deal with all this homework from my summer school courses and that i had another year of being a full time student before i could even think about pursuing the next step in Jen and I's life.
I know that the Bible says to give thanks in ALL circumstances, but yet again i find my impatient side trying to rear it's ugly head. I am thankful that i have the opportunity to finish my education here for free and I am thankful for everything that Jen and I have, but yet, oftentimes i find myself dreaming of wanting to work for a basketball team somewhere, or becoming a professional journalist, or being on the mission field. Why is it so hard to be patient when i know that's what i need to be doing ? I think the answer lies in paying attention to what Jen and I are doing right now. If we don't focus on the schoolwork and building our marriage with the time we have now, when else are we gonna do it ? I see it so clearly that there is still some preparation to go through, i just gotta trust the Lord to help me stay patient and focused on the preparation He's taking us through. It won't be easy, but it's the right thing to do.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Dealing with irritating people
Why is it that we always seem to have someone or a group of people in our lives who just get under our skin ? Whether they express some views that you just absolutely disagree with, or maybe it's just the sound of their voice that gets to you, i find it so....well...frustrating that i have to deal with people like that. This morning i even find myself hovering at a low roar over something that this guy said to me who i thought we were friends in the past, but past actions and words that have been spoken between us have literally made my blood boil, and then today he has the nerve to say something just to push my buttons. Why is that, why do Christians who profess to love God, still work to get under each other's skin so much ?
I'm firmly convinced that at some point in my Christian walk, i prayed a prayer to God for patience and compassion to overflow in my life towards others, and now, i feel like He's giving me the experiences to do that. Oftentimes when i deal with somebody who i perceive to be irritating to me, i usually just become very forceful in the way i speak to them and i "let it be known" that I was very displeased, or, in some cases, offended by what they said in that moment. Oftentimes this leads to arguments, or at the least, raised tension for awhile, and then it just leads to more and more and more. This in and of itself is extremely irritating to me, but yet time after time, i continously get irritated with the same people who keep on saying things that i just disagree with or feel personally offended by.
It's that track record, to be honest, really scares me. I mean, i know that i shouldn't get all worked up sometimes over what people say, but as i've told Jen before when we talk about this issue that I have and she's trying to help me with it, i am NOT the type of person who tolerates people who are condescending or rude to me due to some past history that i have moved on from. I know in my heart that i don't want to react the way i do most of the time, and i know it's prideful, but i also know that it is the natural inclination of my heart to stand my ground, build a defense, and do whatever it takes to make somebody who i perceive doesn't care about my feelings and thoughts, feel really really bad for what they said. I've gotten really good at having that type of defense, and you know what, it's just sad to me. I know it's pride and I know that Proverbs says that Pride goes before the fall, but this is one of those struggles of my Christian walk that i really gotta deal with. I'm gonna pray that God would help me get over this stronghold that is in my life, as frustrating and irritating as i know it's probably gonna be to do that, it's the right thing to do.
I'm firmly convinced that at some point in my Christian walk, i prayed a prayer to God for patience and compassion to overflow in my life towards others, and now, i feel like He's giving me the experiences to do that. Oftentimes when i deal with somebody who i perceive to be irritating to me, i usually just become very forceful in the way i speak to them and i "let it be known" that I was very displeased, or, in some cases, offended by what they said in that moment. Oftentimes this leads to arguments, or at the least, raised tension for awhile, and then it just leads to more and more and more. This in and of itself is extremely irritating to me, but yet time after time, i continously get irritated with the same people who keep on saying things that i just disagree with or feel personally offended by.
It's that track record, to be honest, really scares me. I mean, i know that i shouldn't get all worked up sometimes over what people say, but as i've told Jen before when we talk about this issue that I have and she's trying to help me with it, i am NOT the type of person who tolerates people who are condescending or rude to me due to some past history that i have moved on from. I know in my heart that i don't want to react the way i do most of the time, and i know it's prideful, but i also know that it is the natural inclination of my heart to stand my ground, build a defense, and do whatever it takes to make somebody who i perceive doesn't care about my feelings and thoughts, feel really really bad for what they said. I've gotten really good at having that type of defense, and you know what, it's just sad to me. I know it's pride and I know that Proverbs says that Pride goes before the fall, but this is one of those struggles of my Christian walk that i really gotta deal with. I'm gonna pray that God would help me get over this stronghold that is in my life, as frustrating and irritating as i know it's probably gonna be to do that, it's the right thing to do.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Doing what you love to do
Today i got to thinking about Jen and I and the jobs that we work here at Liberty University. Seeing Jennifer go through the stress that she goes through on a daily basis working where she works, i'll admit, it's really hard for me because I really do enjoy and love my job at the Men's Basketball Office, which oftentimes leads me to feel very guilty because my wife clearly has the more difficulty to deal with when it comes to her job. Even today, i've been working on a project for one of the Assistant Coaches that is allowing me to utilize some of my creative abilities working with Microsoft Word. As i sit here, pondering why God would allow me to work a job that i absolutely love and why Jen has to work a job that is most definately not something she wants to pursue for the rest of her life, i thought about Jesus, and how He was a carpenter for many years before His public ministry started.
As i thought more and more today about Jen and I and how our jobs relate to what Jesus did for many years as a carpenter, i saw pretty clearly how even though Jennifer and I are in two different places when it comes to how we feel about our jobs, I think we are both going through what Jesus went through when He was working as a carpenter. I know that the Word of God doesn't say much about the period between when Jesus was 12 years old and He went to the Synagogue in Jerusalem and taught and when He started His earthly ministry, but I think the key to thinking about how Jesus experienced His life before His earthly ministry can be found in Hebrews 4 vs 15-"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to symphathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet was without sin."
Thinking about that passage, i realized that Jesus's temptation was not solely the account from Matthew 4, where the devil tempted Him 3 different times in the wilderness. No, i think that Jesus was tempted with the same struggles and feelings that you and I go through everyday with our jobs. Jesus i'm sure was tempted to get irritated and stressed out with a high workload, because after all, I'm sure Jesus was the best carpenter around and probably did alot of work in His community. I'm sure He felt the enjoyment that comes from doing a good job for someone and receiving their appreciation for a job well done. I'm sure He felt tired and weary at the end of a long day or work week, just like we do. I'm sure He felt temptation to have a negative attitude towards people that He came in contact with through His job, maybe somebody who was a jerk to Him with how He was doing a particular job. Looking at all those examples, it helped me come to a better understanding as to why Jennifer and I have, so far, had pretty different work experiences here at LU.
I've come to the realization that when it comes to work, each of us has our own path that has been assigned to us by the Lord. Ephesians 2 vs 10 states, "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God has prepared beforehand, so that we may walk in them." Looking at Jennifer and I, we're both working the jobs that God has ordained for us to have at this given point in time. Even though it's hard to accept sometimes, right now, Jennifer is meant to experience what she is experiencing and I am meant to experience what I do when i work my job. I don't think God is punishing Jen and I don't think He is pouring out a special blessing on me for some reason, I just get the impression that at some points in our lives, we're going to be working in a job that brings us a great deal of satisfaction and enjoyment and othertimes we'll be working a job that brings much stress and irritation. Either way, looking to Jesus helps me to accept His strength and endurance when the times are tough and it also helps me to keep success and enjoyment on the job in the proper perspective.
As i thought more and more today about Jen and I and how our jobs relate to what Jesus did for many years as a carpenter, i saw pretty clearly how even though Jennifer and I are in two different places when it comes to how we feel about our jobs, I think we are both going through what Jesus went through when He was working as a carpenter. I know that the Word of God doesn't say much about the period between when Jesus was 12 years old and He went to the Synagogue in Jerusalem and taught and when He started His earthly ministry, but I think the key to thinking about how Jesus experienced His life before His earthly ministry can be found in Hebrews 4 vs 15-"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to symphathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet was without sin."
Thinking about that passage, i realized that Jesus's temptation was not solely the account from Matthew 4, where the devil tempted Him 3 different times in the wilderness. No, i think that Jesus was tempted with the same struggles and feelings that you and I go through everyday with our jobs. Jesus i'm sure was tempted to get irritated and stressed out with a high workload, because after all, I'm sure Jesus was the best carpenter around and probably did alot of work in His community. I'm sure He felt the enjoyment that comes from doing a good job for someone and receiving their appreciation for a job well done. I'm sure He felt tired and weary at the end of a long day or work week, just like we do. I'm sure He felt temptation to have a negative attitude towards people that He came in contact with through His job, maybe somebody who was a jerk to Him with how He was doing a particular job. Looking at all those examples, it helped me come to a better understanding as to why Jennifer and I have, so far, had pretty different work experiences here at LU.
I've come to the realization that when it comes to work, each of us has our own path that has been assigned to us by the Lord. Ephesians 2 vs 10 states, "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God has prepared beforehand, so that we may walk in them." Looking at Jennifer and I, we're both working the jobs that God has ordained for us to have at this given point in time. Even though it's hard to accept sometimes, right now, Jennifer is meant to experience what she is experiencing and I am meant to experience what I do when i work my job. I don't think God is punishing Jen and I don't think He is pouring out a special blessing on me for some reason, I just get the impression that at some points in our lives, we're going to be working in a job that brings us a great deal of satisfaction and enjoyment and othertimes we'll be working a job that brings much stress and irritation. Either way, looking to Jesus helps me to accept His strength and endurance when the times are tough and it also helps me to keep success and enjoyment on the job in the proper perspective.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Why are we so different ???
I got to thinking today about compromise and why Jen and I oftentimes want completely different things at the same moment. There are alot of nights where my motivation centers around cranking out homework for 2-3 hours and Jen wants to bake brownies or sit and play a boardgame. Or, even better example, when the weekend comes, i'm the one who's focus is on getting the responsibilities done, like the laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning the apartment, and whatever other errands need to be done over that 48 hour period, while Jen would be perfectly content to take a 4 hour nap and hang out all day. I'm not being critical at all, trust me, I just find it worth examining as to why two people who are supposedly one flesh in the eyes of the Lord can have two totally different drives and things that they want to do.
Thinking back to our pre-marriage counseling, i remember something that the husband and wife who mentored us told us in relationship to compatability between Jen and I. They told us, and i'm paraphrasing here, "That compromise is everything, and afterwhile you'll find yourselves wanting to think more and more about the other person's needs at the moment that they need them." Now, after a year of marriage, it's pretty obvious to me that oftentimes my needs and Jen's needs DRASTICALLY differ sometimes. Now, i'm not using that as an excuse to not try and serve Jen and be there for her, and i definately know that Jen has gone out of her way to be supportive of what i want plenty of times, it's just that it seems that a year of marriage has caused the two of us to have those certain way of doing things, that ends up being much different from what the other person wants.
I know that marriage isn't supposed to be easy, i understand completely that when you are meshing two different types of people into one place, it can create all kinds of influences, both positive and negative. Are Jen and I meant to be like many other couples around the world who do compromise in alot of ways and who genuinely try to take care of their partner, but still end up having totally different ways of doing things ?? I know that I have learned that sometimes one can learn from the other partner's way of doing things, but is it perfectly normal and ok for their to be a difference sometimes in what the other person wants ?
Thinking back to our pre-marriage counseling, i remember something that the husband and wife who mentored us told us in relationship to compatability between Jen and I. They told us, and i'm paraphrasing here, "That compromise is everything, and afterwhile you'll find yourselves wanting to think more and more about the other person's needs at the moment that they need them." Now, after a year of marriage, it's pretty obvious to me that oftentimes my needs and Jen's needs DRASTICALLY differ sometimes. Now, i'm not using that as an excuse to not try and serve Jen and be there for her, and i definately know that Jen has gone out of her way to be supportive of what i want plenty of times, it's just that it seems that a year of marriage has caused the two of us to have those certain way of doing things, that ends up being much different from what the other person wants.
I know that marriage isn't supposed to be easy, i understand completely that when you are meshing two different types of people into one place, it can create all kinds of influences, both positive and negative. Are Jen and I meant to be like many other couples around the world who do compromise in alot of ways and who genuinely try to take care of their partner, but still end up having totally different ways of doing things ?? I know that I have learned that sometimes one can learn from the other partner's way of doing things, but is it perfectly normal and ok for their to be a difference sometimes in what the other person wants ?
A place for my other thoughts
Seeing my wife Jennifer setting up her own blog on this new website, i thought to myself about making one of my own apart from the Facebook one that i do. Thinking about this blog, i think, like my wife, that i'm going to use this blog from the standpoint of processing different things that are happenning in my life currently, stuff that usually i don't put on my Facebook page, where i usually do stuff centered around articles that i read and maybe a Bible devotional or two.
I don't really have to introduce myself because for those who will be reading this blog, ya'll know me already. To give some insight into why I titled my blog, Complicated and Passionate, i have to give credit for the inspiration to my wife. Seeing Jennifer's blog and how she's using it as a place to kinda process different emotions and things that she is experiencing and feeling in her life, i'm reminded that i really don't do that on a regular basis. Herein lies the title, Complicated and Passionate. For those who know me, you know that i am a very driven person. I have a tendency to try and narrow my focus in life on a few very important things and i usually put ALOT of energy into those things. Whether it be my marriage or schoolwork or working at the Men's Basketball Office, i'm known as a grinder, the type of guy who puts his nose to the grindstone and gets the job done, no matter what. Even in my marriage, looking at Jen's post from her previous blog, i know that she is hoping to have some relaxation time this weekend, while I on the other hand, already am thinking about the multiple loads of laundry that has to be done, and the grocery shopping and the homework that needs to be finished. I'm not sharing that to be critical of Jen, oh no, not at all, but rather to serve as an illustration of why i think i am complicated and passionate.
I think that's enough for now, i have a tendency to really ramble quite a bit when i actually take the time to examine my thoughts, i think that's why i thank God that blogs are around, simply because they give me a forum to express all the different stuff going on in my head and in my life. I hope you enjoy this, i know i'm looking forward to what's gonna come from this.
I don't really have to introduce myself because for those who will be reading this blog, ya'll know me already. To give some insight into why I titled my blog, Complicated and Passionate, i have to give credit for the inspiration to my wife. Seeing Jennifer's blog and how she's using it as a place to kinda process different emotions and things that she is experiencing and feeling in her life, i'm reminded that i really don't do that on a regular basis. Herein lies the title, Complicated and Passionate. For those who know me, you know that i am a very driven person. I have a tendency to try and narrow my focus in life on a few very important things and i usually put ALOT of energy into those things. Whether it be my marriage or schoolwork or working at the Men's Basketball Office, i'm known as a grinder, the type of guy who puts his nose to the grindstone and gets the job done, no matter what. Even in my marriage, looking at Jen's post from her previous blog, i know that she is hoping to have some relaxation time this weekend, while I on the other hand, already am thinking about the multiple loads of laundry that has to be done, and the grocery shopping and the homework that needs to be finished. I'm not sharing that to be critical of Jen, oh no, not at all, but rather to serve as an illustration of why i think i am complicated and passionate.
I think that's enough for now, i have a tendency to really ramble quite a bit when i actually take the time to examine my thoughts, i think that's why i thank God that blogs are around, simply because they give me a forum to express all the different stuff going on in my head and in my life. I hope you enjoy this, i know i'm looking forward to what's gonna come from this.
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